What’s it like to be a mother? Which first time mom hasn’t been asked that before? When Ella was born
on May 11, 2015 my life changed forever. Everyone tells you that your life will change but you don’t quite grasp what that truly means until this tiny human being is here. Immediately, instantly you are thrown into this crazy journey they call motherhood and this precious, innocent life relies on you for everything.
The first few weeks of taking Ella home had its challenges. There were of course the physical challenges because you are exhausted, but also the emotional challenges that came as a shock. You are overcome by this responsibility of caring for your child and no matter how many books you read, nothing quite prepares you for it. So everytime I’d get asked the question, ‘how does it feel to be a mother’ I would struggle to find the words. So I’d say something along the lines of, ‘it’s amazing,’ or ‘it’s great’ because I felt that’s what people wanted to hear, and besides, that’s how I should be feeling, right?
Yet, I could feel myself biting my tongue and my nose getting longer every time. Truth is, it wasn’t amazing. What I really wanted to say was, ‘it’s tough. Really tough.’ And to be completely honest, I didn’t feel like a mother. At least I wasn’t sure what being a mother should feel like. I was just going through the motions of feeding her, changing her, and putting her to sleep, then pressing rewind and starting all over again. But the good news is, things got better. Now that my daughter is almost three months old I am feeling more relaxed and comfortable with her. Just as she needed time to get familiar with this new scary environment, I too needed time to get used to her and to get to know her. It might sound weird, but I’m happy she’s getting older, although I’m sure in a few months from now I’ll be praying for time to freeze. Now when I wake up in the morning and walk over to her crib, I am greeted with the biggest smile. There is no better feeling in the world. So what’s it like to be mother? It’s amazing. Amazingly hard. But i’m getting the hang of it and I don’t dread the question anymore either.
Laura is a reporter with Breakfast Television Montreal presently on mat leave.
Watch Laura visiting her co-workers at BT Montreal and chatting about being a new mom: